make it go away.

so i never thought a taylor swift song would make me break down and sob.
but theres a first time for everything.
i get off the phone,
my legs collapse under me,
and i don't know what the hell to do.
so i put on a pretty outfit.
and all i do is see my face in the mirror and not care. about anything.
'you belong with me'
tells both my story and another one intertwined.
i cant stop this.
i somehow 'saw' this coming.
it's not like i could help it.
and, for the first time, now that i'm mad i don't want to punch anyone.
i want to take it out on myself.
it's the feeling when you hear something and the first thing that comes to mind is 'how the heck did i manage to eff this up? HOW?!'

it's all my fault.
it's all my fault.
it's all my fault.

or it feels like it is, now.
well, crime and punishment i suppose.

i've tried to be nice so many times in the past few weeks, and all it has ever come back to do is bite me. I keep telling myself that this is God testing my faith or something.

i just want to close my eyes and make it go away.
i just want to fall asleep and wake up yesterday.
i just want to run to you like we were never through and you would say to me what you'd always say.

please, make it go away.


i have so much to say, and yet nothing at all.
i am so thankful for those of you who care enough to put up with my endless ranting about nothing that is even discernible speech.