idealism.

I can't help but love their family.
Even when Jon and Kate fight, they always resolve it somehow.
Maybe I don't know that I can take care of that many kids, but I want to be like them someday.

Not much has happened recently.
I went to see The Haunting in Conneticutt on Friday.
I was only really scared while I was watching it, so it didn't produce the normal aftershock I get.
Saturday softball won (:
My new favorite book is 11,002 things to be miserable about.
My favorite is unreciporicated oral sex.
The last one is happiness.
The author's blog said that it is two times as likely for you to die in a bike accident than to get an academy award.
You know, just to brighten your day.

Do YOU have one?

identity: (n) the individual characteristics by which a thing or person is recognized or known

It's who you are. What you do. It's even the name of songs, sitcom episodes, and the occasional boutique. Everyone needs one. Wants one. Has one.--- or do they?

In a world filled with the population pulling you in a hundred different directions-- the media, our peers, cultures, etc-- we sure all seem to know what we want to get out of everything. But the fact that we are constantly being pressured to 'be somebody' isn't helping the future generations at all. When one is forced to choose between what they want to do now, and even for the rest of their lives, how are they supposed to know without trying, without seeing? How is a fifteen year old girl like me going to find out how I'm going to make my mark on the world, now, when I haven't explored as many different courses as I possibly can? The real question I am getting at--while spewing a good many other retorical questions, might I add-- is "Who am I?"

Devyn, I don't know.

I know this is something that I am probably never going to figure out, I've got too many sides to my personality, too many parts that I hate, loathe, or maybe even sort of like. I'm pulled in twenty million directions everyday, not knowing what is going to take me where next, worrying about things that aren't going to happen for another few years. Life is a crazy and hectic.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know there's things I need to change, work on, figure out.

The facade has got to stop here.
But I don't know if I can part with the things that make me what people think I am--whatever that is. I'm a completely different person now than I was three years ago, back in the days of recess and only one class a day. Now, I'm an extrovert, who, apparently, is destined for a career with a science professional job. And I know that adolescence brings on changes to you mentally, and peer pressure has bent me in a million ways, hurt my pride, and dehydrated almost every drop of my old self, leaving what it wanted me to be.

And, now for the reason I started this post in the first place.

"Do I always get what I want?"
"Yes, Devyn, otherwise you cry and yell until you get your way."
When a person that you trust tells that to you, knowing how much she's right hurts. Because, I don't want to be that girl, the one who tries to step on people's toes until she gets her way. The one who manipulates and canives until she gets what she wants. She's right, though. And everytime something goes a way I don't want it to, that's the first thing I think of. I think of how can I pull this my direction by making [] feel bad, say they're sorry, make them regret it, etc. What's especially bad is that it hurts my relationships more than it helps them. I can't stand myself after these episodes, especially because I feel little to no remorse. "I want what I want. I can't help it. I want it." is what I've caught myself thinking too many times. I'm trying to stop it, for everyone, and for me.


Perplexing, that's what this hullabaloo is.




By the way, I love you.

all things---> bright and beautiful?

i need to write.
now.
this itching feeling to create has been there for a few days.

i finished hot zone questions this weekend.
and then read some more of that gruesome book.
ahhh.
and i've got a serious girl crush on taylor swift.
i idolize that girl.

well, this post had absolutely no meaning.

each weekend gets harder to survive without you, i must say.
<3

go fall over a (softball) fence.

i wish i had something really awesome to write about right now.
i liked francesca's little addition to my blog on monday.
had a softball game today, and it went okay.
apparently, we're all wearing our jerseys tomorrow.
i have to wash mine, it smells like SWEAT.
...and i don't believe you'd like to smell that one.

well, unless you're ali and like to smell people's socks. (;

Well, i've really got nothing else to say here, so I will go before I bore you with some other random detail of my day that you probably don't care about.

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOO

Hi, I'm Francesca and I'm on Devyn's blog.
Yay! I'm bored.
I should be raining on her parade verrrrrrrrry soon.

Mr. Morris is pretty awesome.
I want Devyn's food.

gimmegimmegimme.

I've a feeling of smug contempt.
I hate it so.

Everyone just goes around taking what they have for granted, and thinking that they deserve everything that they have, served to them on a golden platter. I'm not going to be hypocritical about this, because, you know, I do it too. I want everything I want, when I want it. I can't help but be that way, I was raised as such. But it makes me mad to no end when I do it. I'm trying to keep up with this, to say 'thank you' when someone does a favor, or to acknowledge someone who helped me to achieve something. It's not hard, really. It just gets me when people just take without even asking. I mean, I'm not your mother, your maid, or anything of that sort. I'm a person's friend, and all they can do is stick out their hand like they are entitled for me to give something to them. The only exception to this is my best friend, who could have the worst manners in the world, and I'd still love her all the same. Also, my boyfriend, because I've never actually had this problem with him, although I'm not sure about the likewise. Anyways, I don't know what to tell you people anymore. If I come off like I'm arrogant correcting you, I'm sorry. It's just what I feel like some of you guys need to realize now. That everything is not going to be handed to you with a silver lining, that you're going to have to work your way up in life. It's a life skill, politeness--- with all its' little quirks and things you thing are really worthless. It makes the difference in a person. Before I start sounding like the Essential 55, I will end this psycopathic borderline OCD rant.

Change starts here.

hell week;

so, i've had softball AND choir all week.
last night was a show, and waiting around for the closer is enjoyable.
today should be a good day.
not like it hasn't already started, but.. well, the "good" part of it hasn't yet.
i've been meaning to post this for awhile, too.
my favorite part of confessions of a shopaholic--->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UKT-TuYCso

so, my goal as of soon is to get closer to some people that i've neglected.
and, well, party?
ahah with lack of anything better to say I will say that.

today is a special day.
1 1/2 (:
But there will be much bigger numbers to come, believe me. <3

well, i'm off to finish prepping for the show while watching paula deen!
mmmm food.