100th post. Yay?

Well, I wanted my 100th post to be something special, something that I will remember and look back on fondly for weeks and months into the future. So, I've been waiting and waiting for the right moment to come by that is blog-worthy.

But I'm tired of waiting.
And that refers to more than just the topic of this blog post.

Also, I'm sort of afraid that I was going to mess up this blog post, just like I've messed just about everything else up in my existence on this planet. I've come to terms with that sorry fact, though. Along with the fact that I think nothing of myself, yet I have the highest expectations in the world. How that works out I'll never really understand, no matter how much people try to console me and say that just about everyone else feels like this. But not everyone can feel like this. Not everyone can walk around everyday on the verge of a nervous breakdown just feeling like you're worth crap. Sure, I have friends. But I still feel empty, even after all this. I feel like I don't belong, and that disease is incurable. I've tried to make myself fit in, but something is always just a little off. Someone is always better, and I guess I just have to learn to deal with that. I mean, this IS life, after all. The thing is, I don't want to deal. And wanting it your way is a terrible way to lead your life, sure, but I can't help but want things to go a certain way. I have said it before, and I will say it again. I micromanage, I talk too much, I don't think before I act, sometimes I think too much and never act, I'm not perfect, and I hate it. All I want is someone to be there. THE someone to be there. Some outstanding people are backing me up until that day comes again.

I am falling apart on the inside. My facade is weakening with every blow.